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Reviews :
The Caveman''s Valentine
Author: Dirtymoviedevotee (dries.vermeulen@hotmail.be)
from Brugge, Belgium
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Uncle Joe honestly thought he had reinvented the wheel
with this pornographic take on Carl Gottlieb''s then
already 15 year old cult comedy CAVEMAN. Although he
would frequently voice his frustration to anyone who
would listen about winding up on the "wrong" side of the
filmmaking fence, he simultaneously took a given the
circumstances almost perverse pride in his adult
achievements which he considered light years beyond
anything his carnal compatriots came up with. While
there''s surely a case waiting to be made, it''s safe to
say that his explicit output came out uneven to say the
least. Having dabbled in just about every commercially
viable movie genre over a three decade stretch, from the
early ''70s right up until his death at the doorstep of
the new Millennium, he built up a quantitatively
impressive body of work comprised of some 200 titles,
none of which lost money on their modest investment, I
bet. Seeing how most of these, as was the Italian
exploitation tradition, took their "inspiration" from
far costlier films that were booming at the box office
either stateside or on the Continent, meant that little
respect was forthcoming. At least from artistic and
critical circles, as the money men were undoubtedly
beaming as the paying public packed theaters to the
rafters.
Though he had dabbled in hardcore on and off ever since
his notorious 1981 PORNO HOLOCAUST, going back even
further one might consider his explicit inserts into
both EMANUELLE IN America and EMANUELLE AROUND THE WORLD
his real start in this respect, it was not until the
''90s that he would be forced to devote himself almost
exclusively to fornication features. While many of these
came out dire rather than dirty, some like JUNGLE HEAT
or 120 DAYS OF SODOM suggested a penchant to please that
simply refused to curl up and die. While hardly up there
with his best efforts in this or any other field, HOMO
ERECTUS does have a number of things going for it,
starting with sparkling outdoor cinematography in lush
natural surroundings by the great Mr. Massaccesi
himself, hiding behind his familiar "Federiko Slonisko"
alter ego, a capacity he has always obtained far more
kudos for than for his filmmaking. Given the genre, it
also doesn''t hurt that he cast some extremely
good-looking girls from the four corners of the globe,
all of whom perform with a gusto that wasn''t always a
given in Joe''s XXX endeavors. The guys, more locally
recruited apart from Aussie Gerry Pike (the abused
anti-hero from Michael Ninn''s SEX), almost match the
damsels in do-ability, with the notable exception of
stalwart Roberto Malone who has gobbled himself into a
sweaty, heaving mountain of meat by now yet salvaged by
his equally various appetite for and unfeigned
appreciation of fine female flesh.
That was the good news. Unfortunately, the format forces
the entire cast to make fools of themselves by grunting,
growling and acting "primitive" in general. While such
behavior is usually discarded for the sex scenes, with
the toe-curling exception of a "funny" accidental
discovery of the blow job by Malone and "Jasmina" a/k/a
Kethrin Brut from Luca Damiano''s lavish ADVENTURES OF
THE ORIENT EXPRESS, there''s still plenty of it to wear
on an audience''s last nerve. Devoid of dialog, apart
from some brief voice-over narration (at least in the
German dub I watched), the story''s as simple as they
come. Two rival male tribes go to battle over a trio of
maidens they have found wandering the woods and whom
they both covet. Cindy Scorsese''s the short-haired
Hungarian blonde from Joe''s Visconti knock-off VIRILITY
and French brunette Pénélope (sometimes "Sarah
Fosterman") should be familiar from Alex Perry''s
PENELOPE, natch. Most screen time''s devoted to homegrown
Stefania Sartori however, most notably Juliet to Brit
Mark Davis'' Romeo in D''Amato''s JULIET & ROMEO.
Naturally, while two dogs are fighting over a bone, a
third - in this case a tribe of amazons headed by
statuesque Laura Palmer - runs off with it. Still,
Italian macho culture being what it is, the men soon
catch up with them and they all f*ck happily ever after.
Plentiful poking taking place in fields and forests
fills the majority of the film''s running time, its
"slumming" sire unable to resist the furtive flourish
such as the inclusion of wildlife stock footage (like an
apparently approaching alligator as two tribesmen go
hand to hand in a stream) to uphold the illusion of a
"proper" picture. English rose Roxanne Hall
distinguishes herself both through unabashed erotic
enjoyment, especially in an encounter with pretty boy
Pike (whose extensive fore-arm tattoos they went to the
lengths to cover up with strips of fur, just saying), as
a discreetly demure take on the whole prehistoric
posturing that''s positively refreshing by contrast to
her colleagues'' limitless exuberance. Though this isn''t
much of a showcase for any talents other than sexual,
she showed proof of acting ability in an age when there
wasn''t much call for it in adult as evidenced by
old-timer David "Adele Robbins" Fleetwood''s under the
radar MIA. By contrast, Swedish strumpet Tatyana Tighera
fits the very definition of blah as the third Amazon
warrior (completing the triumvirate with Palmer and
Brut), best remembered if at all for being one of the
"fake" Helen Duvals in Oliver Czech''s vapid THE THIEF,
THE GIRL AND THE DETECTIVE.
Photos:
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